Make a choice

It's raining outside and I am sitting inside the office. Yes, just sitting and staring at the monitor endlessly.What I want to do and what am I doing? No matter how much the work pressure is I don't move even an inch in reducing that pressure. It is a clear indication that I am no way interested in the work I am doing. And moreover my passion lies somewhere else. Day by day the decision to pursue what I want is getting delayed and the dream seems like never going to happen in reality. Who should be blamed for my plight? I do a quick rewind and fast forward my life so far, and I find the culprit is none other than me myself. My situation reminds of a situation where my computer gets hung and when I am not able to fix it, I just switch off the power line and restart it, I wish I could do that to my life.

Time and again I have changed my ambitions in my life. I wanted to be a soldier or a policeman when I was a kid, I found the soldier is underpaid and the policeman is paid under the table, so I dropped it. Then while doing my secondary education I thought of becoming an IAS officer, later I found these officers are nothing but puppets of our netas, so I dropped it. I was in a big time confusion during higher secondary education about the line to chose among medicine and engineering. I left the matter to the time to decide and as a result I was so aloof that my scores hit all time low buried under the ground. This is where my downswing started. People looked at me a as a loser, but I knew what I was.Thanks to the preamble of India, I got a very good college of my state. The aloofness continued in the first semester, in the second semester I fared well. Third semester was a major debacle. I flunked for the first time in my life. But I was a changed person in this phase of my life. I never used to speak to the opposite gender or show any interest in them, some how I tried to be different and there was no turning back. every 4 months I had a new crush. Still uncertain of my dreams and ambition I flowed in the river of my aloofness. The last year of engineering came and again I was on the brink of choosing. As usual I didn't put even an iota of effort to get placed in any of the companies that came to my college. I waited for the destiny to come to me by itself. The pressure started building as 80% of the college was placed and it included people worse than me in academics. Somehow one day fortunately or unfortunately I got placed into my current company, thanks to the verbal skill I had gained from the girls I flirted with in the college. Now, I breathed a big sigh of relief as atleast I can earn. I joined the company and I found the love there. I thought this was my destiny. As everything was fit and fine, suddenly everything was shattered in no time. I was taken aback, shocked and completely lost. Ok.. no more of that sad story.

Today, again I felt that I was not destined to be here, again I stand at the brink of making a choice, as one month from now I'll be finishing my bond with this company. But question is what will I do? I am cocksure I am not happy here. Then I have two choices left either join a different company or go for higher studies. If I choose going to a different company, I have very less domain knowledge as I have worked only for few months and that to doing a work which is.. forget it. So I don't fit to be in the new company as they'll expect more from me. Then, if I choose to go for higher studies I am afraid of the aloofness that will follow, and moreover I have to pay back the money to the banks.

How about joining a flying school and becoming a pilot.. he he..