Deprived for unknown reason and a dream

Yesterday I got shifted to my new home. The feeling was fantastic, as I was waiting for it since a very long time. I felt like sharing this happiness with the one I love the most. I spoke to everyone except for the one who is supposed to be on the top of the list. I still love her and this got proved while boozing with friends day before yesterday, where I was holding the basket ball and uttering "I love you" and was speaking to it as if it was her.

Today, I got up very early and the tiredness was still in my eyes because of lack of sleep. I was happy that I am wearing new clothes today but though the color and the clothes and the combinations are nice, they aren't suiting on me. I am bulging out, added to that I am short and to add fuel to the burning fire I am growing bald!! I look ugly at this moment when I see myself in the mirror. Still, I try to see a little longer when infront of the mirror searching for some happiness wrapped in beauty of looks. It is like trying to find the lotus in a bog.

Sometimes I feel though God has given me all the things what is necessary but he has somehow failed to increase the austerity level upto my expectation. I never asked him for it, He just decreased the level from optimum for only He knows for what reason. I always thought we are rewarded for the deeds that we do since the day we are born. But now I somehow feel that we also get punished for the deeds we might have did before our birth, and the worst part of it is that we have no information of what wrong did we do? I always felt deprived of something since my birth though everything I would have wished or required were around. Now I understand quite clear that I was always deprived of love. Damn, that thing is so precious and the worst part of it is that it choses us and not we choose it.

I still dream of only one thing. I want to sleep a deep sleep for a never ending time dreaming of me lying on green and soft pastured park with beautiful flowered plants looking at a blue clear sky with sun nearing the horizon and my head resting on those laps who love me the most and she playing with my hairs.